This week has been a stew of unproductive emotions.
Yesterday I cried over Leila. It's an unfamiliar feeling anymore.
I'm so envious of my friend, Melissa. Who had her adorable little boy two days ago.
I wonder why I was chosen for this burden.
Then I thank God I was chosen, instead of one of my friends.
It's better for me to go through the pain than to watch someone I love suffer.
Today a customer asked me if Andrew was my only child.
I said no, I have a little girl who waits for me in heaven.
I told the lady not to be uncomfortable with my answer. I'm okay. But I will never verbally disown my daughter again.
I'm so proud of that little girl! I know she's just like her big brother, and charming the socks off everyone in heaven.
I know she's adored. Because I adored her here, for the 19 weeks and 5 days I had her.
I still sleep with the teddy bear that holds her earthly remains every night.
I even had a Christmas tree ornament made, with her picture on it.
If I live to be 100, there will never be a day that I don't think about that precious face.
Those tiny toes. That sharp chin. Her button nose.
Losing her is the greatest tragedy of my life. She took a piece of my heart with her. I will not be complete until we're together again.
I live for that day.
"Heaven is the place where she takes my hand
And leads me to You,
And we both run into Your arms.
Oh God, I know, it’s so much more than I can dream.
It’s far beyond anything I can conceive.
So God, You know, I’m trusting You until I see
Heaven in the face of my little girl"
~SCC, Heaven is the Face