I really, really wanted to be part of the Infertility's Common Thread campaign, but I couldn't just see myself putting a plain strand of embroidery thread around my wrist. So here's what I made:
I used the DMC 814 that was part of the campaign, and also a variegated which was pretty close in color. It's been many, many years since these bracelets were all the rage (waaaay back when I was in high school!), and I surprised myself that I still remembered how to make them! If you would like one, please email me at celestialpetunia(at)gmail(dot)com. Let's get this movement started!
Sorry about the lack of pictures. Weight-loss wise, I'm still pretty much the same. My diet is still spot-on, I guess I could be exercising more, and my body's just comfortable around where it is right now. That's not to say I've given up - on the contrary, I think I'll be sticking with this style of eating, at least for a little while. Really the bad stuff doesn't tempt me very much anymore. So we'll keep truckin' on, and I'll let you know if there's any change.
Oh, Wednesday's ultrasound. Went fine. Dr. should have the results back today. Which is good, because my u/s tech must have bumped something with her "magic wand" and started something going on. Now it feels like very early labor down there, mild to moderate contractions. I'll probably call the Dr. later and see what he wants to do.
Oh, and one more thing...DH and I agreed that, when all's been fixed, we're going to give Clomid one more shot. So I've been looking for good deals at online pharmacies - you'd be amazed how cheap you can get it, even from here in the States! What would cost me $100 at my local CVS is only $15 + shipping online!
Anyway, you're all caught up.
Bu-de, bu-de, bu-de, bu-de, bu, THAT'S ALLLLL, FOLKS!
Let me start this post by saying that I have no plans or ideas of getting a divorce. I love my husband dearly, but (like every other marriage I've observed) I'm not always in love with him. Lately, it's been the occasional struggle to be in like with him. This post is about those struggles.
Are you married? If you are, is your marriage all rainbows and lollipops? Do you not have the occasional moment where you look at your spouse and just wonder, "what if..." or "why?"
This morning on the drive out to the country, a few older songs caught my attention. This was the first one:
Do you remember when your relationship was fresh and exciting? Those are moments we reflect on for years to come. But what about when it becomes rote, even stale? I love how this song points out that mundane is not necessarily a bad trait in a relationship. It really got me thinking about when "the usual" went from fulfilling to tiresome. Why do I feel so restless?
And then this song, which tore my heart:
I think this song answered my question. I am being lazy in the maintenance of my marriage. Are you guilty of that? Taking the other for granted? Do you recognize that, many times, they're putting up with their own not-so-exciting feelings about you? Maybe sometimes they feel your laziness in uplifting them, and wonder if they did something wrong? Or, even more disturbing, don't really care? Why do we put less thought into the health of our marriages?
An excerpt from The Fish, a Christian-in-a-Pop-Culture-World website, ""We Build," a song about the challenges of marriage, is already leaving audiences in tears. "Anyone who's been married for more than a half an hour knows that it's really difficult," Nichole says, "but people, especially Christians, rarely talk about how hard it is. I can't even tell you how many people came up to me after I first sang this song live, one after another with tears streaming down their faces, saying 'thank you.' Not because I unlocked some deep, dark secret to the success of marriage, but because I simply admitted that some days love is a choice. A choice that means rolling up our sleeves and getting our hands dirty and trusting God for the blueprints. Sometimes it just helps to hear 'me too.'"
Truth time: my real impetus on this reflection has something to do with my son. Lately he's been yelling at me, and he thinks this is acceptable because he sees DH and I yelling at each other. I have failed my child when it comes to showing him how to have a healthy marriage. That scares me very much.
Oh, the heat and humidity in central Ohio is INSANE right now! Every day, 90 degrees, 90 degrees, 90 degrees, BAH! I never thought much of air conditioning, but now that we live in a house without it?? And this is the hottest summer I can remember?????
Last night, between the oppressive heat and overpowering humidity, the air felt like 105 degrees. Outside the house...inside must have been at least 5 degrees hotter. I came home from work, piddled around the house as long as I could stand it, and cried "Uncle!"
Instead of baking all night, when DH got home from work we headed out to see a movie.
Because, you know, movie theaters are, as a rule, always freezing.
Toy Story 3 was a sweet escape for our family. We had a wonderful evening, the three of us, dinner and a movie, for under $30.
I'm so very grateful I have a husband who sometimes submits to my impulsive side. I know we don;t really have the money right now, but sometimes it's best to give in.
Thank you, my husband, for giving us such a fun (and cool) night!
Today at work was a little dead. The book I borrowed from the library just wasn't cutting it at holding my attentions. All the prep for the day had been done.
So I break out Google on the crackberry and start reading about cervical polyps.
(note to self: never google medical conditions. ever.)
Here's what I'm up against. Minor outpatient surgery, along the same lines of a D&C. 1% chance of the polyp being malignant. Quick recovery.
Best case scenario.
I'm nervous. The ultrasound has been scheduled at the hospital for a week from tomorrow. Dr. C. is looking for some specific things on that ultrasound, he's requested a detailed look at my ovaries and my uterus. For my ovaries, I guess because of my infertility issues (despite my argument that I don't think we really want to be new parents again). My uterus because it looked abnormal on his transvaginal u/s in the office, and because he saw some dark spots that may indicate some more polyps in my uterus.
So, once my ears stopped ringing and I stopped sweating, I googled some more. About polyps and how they affect fertility.
Here's the big news: they don't. They can act as almost an IUD and prevent implantation of the fertilized egg, but as far as I know I'm not dropping eggs to begin with. Shoots that theory full of holes.
I'm trying to look at this surgery in a positive light - they may actually figure out what's wrong with me! But on the other hand I just don't want to get my hopes up again. This TTC spiral is just too emotionally sapping.
And the icing on the cake, there seems to be a flood of rainbow pregnancy announcements on Facebook lately. And every one of them leaves me feeling a little more defective (while still rejoicing for those mommies and daddies, of course).
Will my day ever come? Will I want it if/when it does?
Things, they are a cha-cha-changing. I'm still weighing in around 230 lbs, however my husband says he sees changes in my body.
My goal is to be 220 lbs, but I'm by no means defining my success completely by a number on a scale.
This past weekend my son attended karate camp (he's 6...and now he's staying out overnight. sigh.) and Hubby and I had the day all to ourselves. My plan was a "cheat" meal, and I guess I did have one, but it wasn't anywhere near as bad as it could have been. We fired up the grill and rolled out some Flinstone-sized t-bone steaks, a few chicken breasts, and some salmon fillets. As our side, we made tabbouleh, which is a parsley/tomato/onion salad with a handful of bulgar wheat thrown in. I had a few spoonfuls of that, which was my only real no-no. And if I ate a total of 1 tbsp wheat it would shock me. Dessert was baby carrots. Then we went to play some sweaty tennis, and after that it was unlimited watermelon and cherries. There it is, my big cheat.
On the health front, a visit to the GYN this week unveiled the uncontrolled mid-cycle bleeding. I have a cervical polyp...or at least one. And apparently a strange looking uterus. So the good doctor is sending me in for a detailed ultrasound of all my female works, and, once all my oddities are firmly established, I'll be going in for surgery. I remain prayerful that this may bring to light the reason for my fertility issues. Please join me there.
I weighed in this morning at 230lbs! That's a loss of 7.4lbs in the first week, and it puts me well on my way to reaching my goal of 220lbs by the Family Reunion (8/7/10). For the first time, I think this is possible.
Interesting thing happened this week. My pants fell down! Thank God it happened at home, so it wasn't a negative experience. A good friend Robyn gave me some clothes she couldn't fit into anymore, and the shorts were admittedly a little big on me already, but that never happened before. So yayyers!
And pictures. This week: (starting with my before picture)
I don't see much of a change...yet. But it's coming. Have no fear!
I may be jumping on another bandwagon here, but you have to give me credit - when I do it, it's with both feet and no reservations.
I'm committing to the Paleo Diet for 30 days. In a nutshell, it's no processed foods, no grains, no dairy, (no fun), easy on the fruit, eating like Grok would have ate.
So far I'm okay with that. Day 1 sucked badly with a major, major headache, the likes of which I'd never experienced before. Yesterday (day 2) was better, no physical ailments, but emotionally I'm a "witch with a B". Today, a little better. Still a bit testy. Could be because it's 90 frickin' degrees in Troy, Ohio and we are bereft of climate control? Hmmm, maybe.
No, what makes me nervous now is fasting. According to (snort) evolution, our bodies were designed to go for periods of time without nourishment. Understandable, Grok couldn't have felled a brontosaurus every day, now could he? Ergo, the 24-hour fast.
I'm a hypoglocemic. Or at least I was in my past life. If I didn't have a fairly steady supply of glucose/fructose in my bloodstream, I'd get dizzy, fidgety, and majorly witchy.
So I guess fasting is going to be my litmus test with paleo.
Without further ado, what you've all been anxiously awaiting.....
