Today at work was a little dead. The book I borrowed from the library just wasn't cutting it at holding my attentions. All the prep for the day had been done.
So I break out Google on the crackberry and start reading about cervical polyps.
(note to self: never google medical conditions. ever.)
Here's what I'm up against. Minor outpatient surgery, along the same lines of a D&C. 1% chance of the polyp being malignant. Quick recovery.
Best case scenario.
I'm nervous. The ultrasound has been scheduled at the hospital for a week from tomorrow. Dr. C. is looking for some specific things on that ultrasound, he's requested a detailed look at my ovaries and my uterus. For my ovaries, I guess because of my infertility issues (despite my argument that I don't think we really want to be new parents again). My uterus because it looked abnormal on his transvaginal u/s in the office, and because he saw some dark spots that may indicate some more polyps in my uterus.
So, once my ears stopped ringing and I stopped sweating, I googled some more. About polyps and how they affect fertility.
Here's the big news: they don't. They can act as almost an IUD and prevent implantation of the fertilized egg, but as far as I know I'm not dropping eggs to begin with. Shoots that theory full of holes.
I'm trying to look at this surgery in a positive light - they may actually figure out what's wrong with me! But on the other hand I just don't want to get my hopes up again. This TTC spiral is just too emotionally sapping.
And the icing on the cake, there seems to be a flood of rainbow pregnancy announcements on Facebook lately. And every one of them leaves me feeling a little more defective (while still rejoicing for those mommies and daddies, of course).
Will my day ever come? Will I want it if/when it does?
I feel like the only one in the world without a rainbow so I can relate ... A LOT.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that you are having medical issues but so glad that your doctor is pro-active and taking care of it.
Hugs,
Trisha
thank you for reading my story on faces of loss, and for commenting on my blog. i hate so much that either of us visited that site, and that we know the sting of loving children no longer here with us. HATE it. but I thank you for your kind words. it has been no small thing to have buried both of my children in less than a years time.
ReplyDeletei love the pictures you have posted of your Leila. she is precious. i'm glad you have them to look at and kiss all over. i find that having pictures of our boys is a blessing.
i had a cervical polyp removed earlier this year, in April. When i was 6 weeks pregnant. it's really uncomfortable, and strange. you feel nothing, except extreme pressure and just weird...you can feel things, but it doesn't hurt. i was in and out in about an hour. i asked to see the polyp, it was huge and causing my cervix to open. it was disgusting, but i was curious. you will do fine. we will pray with you and for you.
By the way, my friend Renae is also doing TTC and I am sure that you and she could be great support for each other.
ReplyDeletehttp://launderlife.wordpress.com