Today at work was a little dead. The book I borrowed from the library just wasn't cutting it at holding my attentions. All the prep for the day had been done.
So I break out Google on the crackberry and start reading about cervical polyps.
(note to self: never google medical conditions. ever.)
Here's what I'm up against. Minor outpatient surgery, along the same lines of a D&C. 1% chance of the polyp being malignant. Quick recovery.
Best case scenario.
I'm nervous. The ultrasound has been scheduled at the hospital for a week from tomorrow. Dr. C. is looking for some specific things on that ultrasound, he's requested a detailed look at my ovaries and my uterus. For my ovaries, I guess because of my infertility issues (despite my argument that I don't think we really want to be new parents again). My uterus because it looked abnormal on his transvaginal u/s in the office, and because he saw some dark spots that may indicate some more polyps in my uterus.
So, once my ears stopped ringing and I stopped sweating, I googled some more. About polyps and how they affect fertility.
Here's the big news: they don't. They can act as almost an IUD and prevent implantation of the fertilized egg, but as far as I know I'm not dropping eggs to begin with. Shoots that theory full of holes.
I'm trying to look at this surgery in a positive light - they may actually figure out what's wrong with me! But on the other hand I just don't want to get my hopes up again. This TTC spiral is just too emotionally sapping.
And the icing on the cake, there seems to be a flood of rainbow pregnancy announcements on Facebook lately. And every one of them leaves me feeling a little more defective (while still rejoicing for those mommies and daddies, of course).
Will my day ever come? Will I want it if/when it does?