It's as if I was holding my breath, waiting for that ticker to roll over.
And, now that it has, I feel different. Unencumbered. Lighter. No longer weepy and morose.
Either the beginning of May has been especially hard,
or, (dare I say it?) the hard grieving is over.
I've googled about grief release after that first anniversary. It's real, many people experience it. Even Stephanie seems to have caught a little of it.
The litmus test will be church on Sunday. Do you think I can get through a whole service without crying in the bathroom?
Why do I feel bad about not feeling bad anymore? It's not as if I've forgotten her. She's sewed into the fabric of my heart.
Maybe last year was about looking back, but this year is about looking forward.