6.02.2010

Surrender

I've come to terms with my infertility again.  I think.

My friend Christine and her four daughters stayed with us through the holiday weekend, waiting for the first of the month and her new rental house to be available.  I want you to read that last sentence with the most positive tone you can muster - I *loved* having my house full of friends and laughter.  The small size of our home only concentrated the fun.  And I'm so grateful to have my friend back, not only in Ohio, but practically in my backyard!  She broke my heart back in February when she moved her family to Arizona, so it almost feels like a miracle that she's here in Troy again. 

Christine has this adorable, sweet little one-year-old daughter, E.  This little girl goes from sobbing to smiling faster than you can blink.  She also goes from sitting quietly to in-the-dog-food-out-the-door-grabbing-the-chotchkes- that fast. 

Our pastor this past Sunday mentioned how women forget the pains of labor and delivery so quickly.  I commented to Christine that we forget much more than that.  We forget how hard it is to have a newborn, an infant, a toddler.  Chasing E. around (or maybe I should say watching Christine chase E. around) reminded me. 

I think I'm satisfied with my life.  Andrew is at a good age, he's stretching for more independence.  I don't have to hover over my child all the time anymore.

I think I'm to lazy old to do it again.  So God, I give up.  If it's Your plan to give me another baby, I'm down with it.  But I'm done actively pursuing getting pregnant. 

6 comments:

  1. *huge hugs* Thinking of you. You seem to have a positive attitude.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hugs girl, I know I haven't commented lately but I still think of you often even though we have never met face to face. I think we would be bosom buddies like in anne of green gables if we did. I dont think you should ever totally give up, who ever is up there has a plan and sometimes it makes us happy and sometimes it pisses us off, but you are right on one hand to enjoy your little boy as much as possible. Luv You!

    ReplyDelete
  3. It's seems like you've come to a place where it's ok and I think that's good. You're right, we do forget how hard it can be!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. So glad your friend is back!I hope she brings you lots of smiles!xxxooo

    ReplyDelete
  5. I know what you mean. Even though we have said we are done sometimes I still want another baby to cuddle and hold, but then I think of those toddler years and oh my. If only you could skip that. Not that I didn't enjoy every stage of my kids growing up it's just I'm not sure I want to do it all over again. Again just getting too old and not enough energy left in me. Glad your friend is back :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. (((hugs)))
    My boys, like your son, are getting older and becoming more independent. I'm glad to see them develop and grow. Like you, I really don't think I can go back to handling a baby at this point. And like you, I'm happy and thankful for what I have. =)

    ReplyDelete