Okay, I guess I owe you a gigantic apology. All this time I taught my son that you're not real, that Christmas is about Jesus Christ and not St. Nick. But apparently you're very real. Not only real, but moderately strong.
I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the giant sack of canned goods you left on my porch this morning. 50lbs worth of peanut butter, pasta, canned soups, mac & cheese, baked beans, and the like? I mean, I could barely move the sack! You must have arms like Popeye!
Because of you, we will be able to make lots of casseroles with cream of mushroom soup. We'll get our daily intake of fiber with those Bush's baked beans. Winter will be a much more pleasant environment with peanut butter sandwiches and Kraft mac & cheese for Andrew. Your gift will continue to benefit us throughout the season, and we will fondly remember this as the Christmas that Santa brought us food. Bless you!
Your new fan club president,