Facing My Demons

Yes, I'm still alive. Still upright and taking nourishment. Call it laying low, or hiding out, or just plain being lazy, but the blogging life has suffered as a result.

What's been going on? Well, I have someone who's a little too interested in my life right now, and has really no place to be. I've nipped it in the bud on Facebook, but I can't employ the same actions on the oh-so-public blog. I'm sooo tempted to pull this blog down, except it's been such a lifeline to me. I'd miss the writing, the responses, and the friends and enemies made along the way. I don't want to give this person that much control over my life. Why should everything change, just because someone is making me uneasy? I learned that from my friend Tricia, that you can never bow to the outside forces. You have to stay brave and persevere. Thanks, Pixie! You're awesome (but you already knew that).

The pregnancy's marching on. Some days it's harder, and I just want to cover my face and cry. But then I feel that little tumble in my belly. Or Andrew gives my tummy a goodnight kiss. Or I get to hold my friend's newborn daughter. And I realize how much I want this. I can't wait to see this little girl. Count her toes. Fall asleep with her on my chest. Experience being a new mommy again, exhaustion and all.

It was different with my pregnancy with Andrew. I was so self absorbed! It wasn't about the baby, it was all meMeME! What a new experience, to look forward to this new life, to see this pregnancy as a means to an end.

I've started exercising on a regular basis. We're so lucky to have a park here in own with a 1.8 mile walking track. I'm making it a habit to get out there while Andrew's in school and waddle my way around it (yes, waddle. it's started already.) Thank God for NPR Planet Money podcasts! And last night we all went for a bike ride. I'm happy to say that, while I'm still below my prepregnancy weight, I've gone up a little - it's a good thing. I was so weight-obsessed that my baby girl was starting to show the effects.

Please don't give up on me. I'm tired, and it seems that every time I power up the computer my head starts pounding.

And thanks for understanding....


  1. OMG you made me cry! I had no idea my whining had that affect on anyone! I am glad you are doing so much better!Thank you!

  2. Glad you are okay we missed you here in blog world. Sorry you are having such a bad computer experience.