Every Wednesday was McDonald's night. Dollar Happy Meals. Crafts for the kids. We moms got to get together every week and hang out while the kids played in the Playland. We'd stay for hours some summer nights. It was a social event I never missed.
Then we lost Leila.
I tried to go back to McD's. I really did. The one time I made it, it was so hard. These women who I'd spent so much time with, cracking jokes, comparing kids, making plans...well, things had changed.
I had changed.
Christy was posting about how our friendships change after a loss like that. She got the wheels turning.
Someone I would have called a "best friend" hurt me very badly after Leila died. She was at McD's on a Wednesday night, dissecting me to another person I didn't really like. Talking about how I should be over it by now. Questioning why I was in such a hurry to get pregnant again. Another friend had overheard her, and was so uncomfortable with the conversation that she had to leave.
What do you do when your best friend gossips about you? Feeding off your pain?
Will your reaction change when I tell you she also suffered a 5-month pregnancy loss? That, of all my friends, she was the only one with intimate knowledge of what I was going through?
When Leila died, I got a card from her that said "you know where to find me when you need me."
But, for that one friend I lost, my other friends got closer. They pulled in tighter. They got me out of the house. They dropped by with groceries. They helped, and continue to help me heal. They are all blessings from God.
And, in losing Leila, I've made new friends. Amazing women. Women I thank God for bringing into my life. I can never express how much these new friends mean to me. Without them, this grief process would be so much more difficult.
I still interact with that lost friend. Heck, she's my husband's assistant manager at the store. I still talk to her, we occasionally chat on the phone. But conversation is stilted. And very surface. I don't really know what's going on in her life anymore.
She was the first to come to mind when reading Christy's post about how our friendships evolve. Trisha has also talked about changes in family relationships after losing her little Nate. I've got some posting to do on that, but we'll save it for another time.