Free At Last!!!!

(I hope I'm not jumping the gun on this)

A few days ago, Holly, a fellow babyloss mama and just an all-around wonderful person, announced some good news. Her Rainbow Baby is coming!!!

In this community, it's a cause for celebration.

In this community, that mood of celebration is mixed in with a whole stew of other emotions, too.

Anxiety for the new life growing.

Sadness for the one they lost, who won't know their little brother or sister this side of Heaven.

And there's a lot of self-pity and jealousy among us still dealing with infertility.

Never outright, for no one deserves to savor this moment quite like a babyloss mama.

I've watched a few grieving mommies go on to be mommies of new, healthy babies. And, while it's on my lips to thank God for those babies, the green-eyed monster has always lurked close by.

This time? I'm just happy. No complicated emotions, just happy and thankful to God for giving Holly this gift. My opinion is that she's earned it well. Not that my opinion means all that much. :)

God, You don't suck. Whether my day comes to be in Holly's position or not, It's all in Your capable Hands. It is well with my soul.

Someone posted this as a Facebook status update the other day and it resonated in my heart.

"God’s timing is perfect. God may not do things on your timetable or in the way that you would like, but he is never late. Sometimes we have to go through struggles and bad decisions to truly appreciate Christ and grow in the Lord."

I'm wondering if that temper tantrum I had wasn't the last of the bile that needed to be released. Because, since spewing all over Blogger, I feel free.....


  1. I got past the jealousy of it a long time ago. I am, however, still having issues with the sadness involved with knowing I will never have another baby this side of Heaven. It's too dangerous for me, otherwise I would be trying right now. Every time a Glory Mama announces her pregnancy, I am so excited for her and start praying immediately, but at the same time I am deeply saddened that I will never know that joy again.

  2. I agree.... she deserves every bit of happiness!

  3. Aw, thanks so much Emily! You are so awesome and you just made me smile! Sorry I'm so behind! I'm trying to catch up in blogland. I've had a lot going on. I want you to know that I am praying for you. I know you want a rainbow and I am asking God to give it to you.