This journey is unlike anything I've ever imagined myself walking.
I have moments when I'm so angry with God I can't even see straight.
It's impossible to fathom why He chose this route for my life.
And I'm only human. Created in His image, yes. But still prone to falling. To self-centeredness. To thinking I could do this better than Him, given the chance.
But I lack His all-encompassing vision to see the broader picture.
I went to bed last night with a heavy, heavy heart. And, despite my rant, I still found myself praying.
Not apologizing. He understands my pain. Even feels it Himself.
But praying for my new friends, walking this same road with me. Praying for my husband and my son. Thanking God for what I have instead of focusing on the opposite.
Yes, I did behave like a child last night, ranting on the blog. And don't you know that image of a child having a temper tantrum was in my head all day long? Me, throwing myself to the ground, kicking and screaming, while my Father looked on, feeling my pain but knowing He couldn't give me what I wanted because it wasn't best for me. Oh, yes, it was.
I'm not going to pull down last night's post. I'm human, and struggling my way through this. I'm not a saint. I could sit there and pull the pious face and never let you know the turmoil underneath.
It would even be easier than letting you see what's truly inside.