My car is weighted down, just like my heart. Last night I bagged and boxed Leila's clothes and sundries up and heaped it all into my little grey car. We'll be making a trip to the local chapter of Right to Life to donate these things to someone who will really benefit from them.
I'm trying to focus on the good here. That maybe someone will make the decision not to abort their child. That Leila will have a small part or influence in that decision.
Still, I can't even describe to you how hard that was. Putting all those little outfits into garbage bags. Boxing up my maternity clothes. Carrying it all downstairs and filling up first the trunk and then the backseat of the car.
A few things I kept. My friend Christine bought me a little pink baby book and a musical bunny when she found out Leila was a little girl. I can't part with those, both because of Leila's memory and now Christine's, as well...she's leaving me, moving 1600 miles away early next month.
God, I've had enough with grief. Could You please rustle up some joy for me?