Sorry if that shocks you, reader. But that's just how I'm feeling today.
I was really praying HARD for this month to be "the month".
You see, our house is up for Sheriff's Sale 2/24. Which means we're probably going to be moving 3/1-ish.
I still have all the stuff I bought for Leila in the spare bedroom.
I got pregnant this time last year, so I really wanted to get pregnant NOW so that I could still use that stuff.
We're moving into a smaller place, so I either needed to NEED that stuff or get rid of it.
And, since Aunt Flo arrived today, I guess I'll be donating it.
God, I can't even fathom why you chose to put me through this.
IT'S SO F-ING UNFAIR!!!
Before that positive pregnancy test last year, I was *happy* with just one child. I had resigned myself to infertility and accepted my lot.
Then You throw this curve ball at me. And let me fall in love with the idea of being a mommy again.
Let me get past the dreaded 14-week mark, so I could breathe a sigh of relief and feel safe.
Let me find out I'm expecting a daughter, the little dark-haired girl I'd always dreamed of.
Let my husband and son get all excited.
And then You yanked her away from us.
And now, 7 months later, I'm back to struggling through infertility again.
I don't know what I did to piss You off so badly, to make you want to punish me like this!
I NEVER ask You for anything! We're losing our house, we've got no income to speak of! We're still struggling to keep our business afloat! Yet, through all that, I've NEVER asked You for help!
I ask You for one little thing, the thing that so many women take for granted. And You shut me down.
Pardon me if I'm not the president of Your fan club right now.
I'm not turning away from You - I'm just going to take a little hiatus tonight.