It's hard to believe that, had we not miscarried our last pregnancy, we'd have a 2-year-old underfoot right now.
These are the kinds of thoughts running through my mind right now. It's been 3 years since the miscarriage, and the distance has made it easier to look at it objectively. Would I have wanted another child? On a biological level, my hormones scream YESYESYES! I'm created by God to harbor new life, to shape and mold the future, to love a child so much it tears at your heart. People around me are fulfilling their destinies. Yes, the proverbial biological clock ticks away.
But do I want another baby? Do I want to go through sleepless nights, breastfeeding, diapers, hormone imbalance, labor and delivery, etc etc, again? You should hear the battle going on between my ears when I ask myself that question. Rational thought versus biological drive. I'm intimidating myself here.
I'm sure the joke will be on me, when the stick finally turns pink somewhere around my 40th birthday. I'll be one of those crazy women with a college student and a preschool student at the same time.
However it turns out, I won't forget the baby I lost on 8/20/2005. And someday I'm going to finally meet my angel up in heaven.