I'm putting together some pictures to send to Yasar's family in Syria. And I asked if it'd be appropriate to send a picture of Leila.
Negative.
I cannot make myself think of our little miracle as inappropriate. She was a beautiful, precious little human being. A blood relative. Just because she didn't survive, she's not worth counting as a member of our family? At what point would she have been considered appropriate? If she drew breath? Cried her first cry?
Sometimes I struggle to understand my husband's culture. And sometimes I just throw up my hands and try to accept. But this time, it just hurts.
I can imagine that it hurts to not have her counted. I think that it's like my "drowning" post. People just don't want to be uncomfortable. And a dead baby makes people uncomfortable. I've experienced the same things.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what, she counts!
Trisha
That has to be so hard not to be able to share Leila. It's hard to understand why different cultures do things or are the way they are. I'm sorry you aren't able to share Leila with Yasar's family. :( Maybe it will happen some day.
ReplyDeleteI have to wonder if that is his answer because it really is inappropriate, or if it's really because he's not comfortable with it. Because given how his family responded to your loss and how they tried to help him understand your pain, I have to wonder if it really would be THAT inappropriate for you to send them.
ReplyDeleteI would suggest discussing with Yasar the possibility of asking his family if they would like a picture of her, that way it is their choice. And if they say yes, then go ahead and send it.
I am sure that does hurt. And cultural differences are very difficult to wrap our minds around. Just remember it is a cultural difference - not a personal one.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, that must be so hard! We will celebrate her with you!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry, Emily. My in laws are American and they're the same way. I just don't understand it at all.
ReplyDeleteI nominated you for an Honest Scrap award. Check out the details on my blog.
I know its difficult to not be able to share your beautiful daughter with the whole world, and even more hurtful to not be able to share her with her own family.
ReplyDeleteMy MIL's face when she saw Lily's pictures for the first time still pisses me off. Sometimes, its not a cultural thing but "I'm a selfish human being thing."