It's odd to me to feel so emotional again. I really thought I had a hold of my grief, instead of the other way around.

Today found me just begging God for that next chance to be a mommy again. Begging like I imagine Sarai begged. Tears rolling down my face. And God led me to the booklet that Anita gave me, that precious booklet of verses that I carry with me in my purse.

I stopped, and asked God to lead me to the verse, to speak to my heart. I opened it at random...

Phillippians 4:6-9
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. ...And the peace of God will be with you.

Wow. Wow wow wow! I feel so humbled. And so privileged, that God would speak to me that openly. It's easy, when your heart is dying inside you, to think that God doesn't care about you. That nobody cares or understands you.

And then I remember He knows what it's like to lose a child.


  1. Oh Emily. I am so negative. It is nice that you can find comfort in such words. Me? I can't help but feel sceptical and bitter and resentful. And every time someone says to me "God knows what it's like" I can only say back that he CHOSE to give his son up. I wasn't asked. Mine was stolen. Taken. I prayed my butt off and I petitioned God while thanking him for all that I had...and NOTHING! He took Logan anyway. And I can't get past that. I try and try. I beg God to help me to understand to give me peace and faith back. And I refuse to think God would be so cruel to take Logan to teach me something. I refuse to believe that. But I am so envious of you that you have such a great faith and that you can still find comfort in God. Don't go down the bitter path, it sure is lonely and confusing.

  2. Keep praying, I am feeling the same way.


  3. I can't even count how many times that God has literally forced Phil 4 in my face. Really, everywhere I turned last year...there it was. I finally got it. Especially Phil 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord, always. That one took me the longest. But now I am rejoicing about all that He has given and not focusing on what Satan has taken away. It's reassuring for me to hear that God is using that to heal you too. I'm thankful that we can share so much!


  4. Yes HE does and HE won't leave you!

  5. I am so happy you are finding the comfort and guidance when you so need it.