...how I'm quick to turn to God for the benefit of others, but when it comes to my problems, He seems a zillion miles away.
...how quickly repressed feelings can flow once they're given an outlet.
...how bitter I am right now.
...and how misunderstood I feel.
Okay, it's not that funny.
I just feel alone.
And I'm not blind to the fact that this is mostly self-imposed.
Isolation is a normal part of the grieving process. Because, really, how many people know what it's like to lose a baby? How many can do more than offer empty words and platitudes?
And God. Almighty. Who *chose* to take my little girl. Yeah, I'm not too keen on Him right now.
My husband, the one I should be able to turn to, who - of all people on this earth - should understand my pain. He tells me to get over it. He's blind to it by choice. He's far more interested in his borderline-adulterous relationship with his business. Maybe that's just how he copes with his own pain, but at the same time he's failing me. And either he doesn't know it, or doesn't care. Both options are inexcusable.
I'm sick to death of venting on this blog, but I don't have any other outlet. Blog, you're the only one who really listens to me.