Yesterday Tiger went in for another bolus of fluid to get him through the weekend. It was a drop-off thing, so I went and hung out with Hubs at Domino's until Tiger was all done.
When I went back, there were a few people in front of me for service. A very nice woman with a sick little Yorkie and I were chatting, and we both noticed a young woman and her significant other come out of one of the exam rooms, completely distraught and in tears.
We both shook our heads and said a little prayer for them, and for us.
So Crystal, the super-nice front desk lady, is settling my account up. And we're talking about how good it was that Yasar got to talk to the vet earlier, that he sort of gets what's going on and he'll feel a little better about the financial side of this situation. I was saying that this is all new to Yasar, in Syria they treat animals like animals, not like members of the family. They don't spend this kind of money trying to keep a pet alive and comfortable.
Crystal kind of looks at me out of the corner of her eye and says, "well, if he gets upset, just tell him about those people you just saw. The ones that were crying. She just authorized us to perform a $350 leg amputation surgery.....on her hamster."
I was proud of myself - I actually controlled myself for almost 30 seconds before I just cracked up.
Only in America...
Showing posts with label Snickers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Snickers. Show all posts
8.22.2009
7.04.2009
1.16.2009
The Conundrum That Is Barney
Does it disturb anyone else that Barney is obviously a T-Rex? Andrew borrowed a Barney DVD from the library this past week, and we watched it together last night. And it occured to me that Barney is the most terrifying dinosaur ever to walk the earth, singing "I love you, you love me..." Is that a little weird to anyone else?
When I was a kid, my brother and sister loved to watch Land of the Lost. I loved it, too, but was so scared of the beginning, where the t-rex eats the camera at the end of the opening music.
So I just don't get it. Do you?
1.04.2009
There's a Reason Why My Man Doesn't Shop!
Oh, the agony! I'm down with the flu, you know, that yucky achy crap, and I needed my husband to run to the store to pick up some photos I'm sending to my dad. Yasar asked if there's any food-type stuff he needs to buy, and I gave him a list of loss leaders from today's paper.
He came home with what I asked him to, plus a few extras. They must have seen him coming.
Meijer is running a $1 special on bags of Dole salad mix - but he must have picked up the wrong kind and ended up spending $2.99/bag.
Andrew suckered him into buying strawberries, a 1 lb box for $2.50 ("it was on special").
And then, the best of all, a teeny, tiny little box of red raspberries, to the tune of $3.49. Ack! He says, "how can you say no to Andrew when he wants something?". Hmph, glad that's a skill I possess, or he'd eat us straight to the poorhouse with his off-season tastes.
Unfortunately, Andrew dove straight into the raspberries...my kid is no fool. Meanwhile I'm pulling a knit cap over my greasy hair and headed back to the store in my pj's to exchange food.
Lesson learned. No hubbys allowed at the grocery store, especially not with kids. There won't be a next time.
He came home with what I asked him to, plus a few extras. They must have seen him coming.
Meijer is running a $1 special on bags of Dole salad mix - but he must have picked up the wrong kind and ended up spending $2.99/bag.
Andrew suckered him into buying strawberries, a 1 lb box for $2.50 ("it was on special").
And then, the best of all, a teeny, tiny little box of red raspberries, to the tune of $3.49. Ack! He says, "how can you say no to Andrew when he wants something?". Hmph, glad that's a skill I possess, or he'd eat us straight to the poorhouse with his off-season tastes.
Unfortunately, Andrew dove straight into the raspberries...my kid is no fool. Meanwhile I'm pulling a knit cap over my greasy hair and headed back to the store in my pj's to exchange food.
Lesson learned. No hubbys allowed at the grocery store, especially not with kids. There won't be a next time.
9.21.2008
Embarrassing Medical Exams
1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . .' My wife's going to have her baby in the cab,' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to a parked cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her under- wear. Suddenly I noticed that therewere several cabs - - - and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. ' Real big breaths,'. .I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiodoctor, the patient said that he was having trouble with one of his medications. ' Which one ?'.. . I asked. 'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had overfifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have you been bed ridden?' After a look of complete confusion she then answered . . .' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband passed away.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis, OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked, 'So how's your breakfast this morning?''The man replied, 'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to getused to the taste.'. . . I then asked to see the jelly and he produced a foil packet labeled ' KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman withpurple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos,and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN, no name
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with tears running down her cheeksfrom laughing so hard . .' No doctor, but the song you were whistling was ' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'
Dr. wouldn't submit his name
Thanks Joy! These are hysterical!
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. ' Real big breaths,'. .I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a Wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiodoctor, the patient said that he was having trouble with one of his medications. ' Which one ?'.. . I asked. 'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had overfifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have you been bed ridden?' After a look of complete confusion she then answered . . .' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband passed away.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis, OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked, 'So how's your breakfast this morning?''The man replied, 'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to getused to the taste.'. . . I then asked to see the jelly and he produced a foil packet labeled ' KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman withpurple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos,and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN, no name
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, 'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with tears running down her cheeksfrom laughing so hard . .' No doctor, but the song you were whistling was ' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'
Dr. wouldn't submit his name
Thanks Joy! These are hysterical!
8.11.2008
Monday Funny - Or Is It?
Mental Health Outsourcing:
I was depressed last night, so I called Lifeline.
Got a call center in Pakistan.
I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
I was depressed last night, so I called Lifeline.
Got a call center in Pakistan.
I told them I was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
4.19.2008
Amazingly Simple Home Remedies
An email from Beth - thanks for the chuckles!
1. If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life; WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
8. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS!
1. If you're choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough.
7. You only need two tools in life; WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
8. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.
Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING, BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS!
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