From Doubt to Doing It

The sun has just made its appearance over the curve of the earth.  The ground still silvery with frost.  The air, cold enough to shrivel the tender nasal passages. 

The trail stretches out before me.  Over small rises and dips, past deserted playgrounds and empty soccer fields.

Steven Curtis Chapman in my ears.  Vibrations from my feet pounding the pavement course through my body.  I am doing what I thought impossible.

I am running.

My weight loss hasn't been stellar.  I've been battling some unseen enemy (hormones?  thyroid?  insulin resistance?) since starting this journey back in September.   So, rather than focus on my "failure", a friend threw out a suggestion.  "Run with me in the 5k on 1/1", she said.  I snickered.  An obese asthmatic, running in the cold.  Riiiight.

But then I thought about it...what a fantastic mini-goal!  I know I want my body to be tamed under 200lbs before heading south in February, but that seems so far away.  New Years is just a month away now.  And that would be a great challenge for my body. 

But can I do it?

Yes, yes I can.  It's not easy, but every day I see progress.  Yesterday I'm almost certain I ran a whole mile non-stop.  For me, that's HUGE.  I don't think I've done that in over a decade.  

And you know what?  The scale is responding, too.  :)

Slackin", or Am I?

I'm ashamed of how little attention I've paid to the blog projects lately!  It seems like, when I moved from Mumblings to this new address, my mojo stayed behind.  I have lots to say, but not so much motivation to say it.  (sigh)

Where to begin...


Well, here's the latest.  I'm down 24lbs, and my size 16 jeans, which I was SO geeked to fit into, are getting a little saggy-baggy in the rear.  Why, you ask?  Would you believe I've found a new love in exercise?

I'll wait while someone hopefully grabs you some smelling salts or something.

Yes.  I'm exercising.  A lot.  While the weather was still mild, I was walking 5 miles every morning before the sun made his appearance.  Now that it's a little colder, I decided to do something even more sane.

Sign up for a 5k run/walk on New Years Day.

Still with me?  :)

Yes, fat Emily is now up and running in the mornings.  I have enough self respect to at least wait until the high school kids get gobbled up by the big yellow buses.  Because high school kids are cruel.  And I've already done my time.

I'm still in the very beginnings of training.  But already my endurance is getting better.  And my @$$ is getting more and more toned, or so DH says.  Ergo my saggy baggy pants.

So there it is.  Life's good.  I'm 214.2 lbs as of this morning.  And I'm well on my way to my first goal of 200 lbs by Success School.

I big pink squishy heart AdvoCare!!!!!!

My New Venture

It's been awhile since I've posted.  Life has been a little hectic.  Homeschooling, an extended visit from my mother-in-law, and trying to start a business has really kept me hopping!

I just wanted to post about my weight loss journey, and how it's taken a very positive turn. 

A month ago, I started uttering the dreaded, dirty s-word.  "surgery".  Yes, after years of seeing it as a cop-out, it began to look like my last resort.

Then a friend dropped the word AdvoCare on Facebook for the umpteenth time, and I finally paid attention.

Now, 2 weeks into the program, 8 lbs lighter, at least a jeans-size smaller, I'm on my way to fit.  No excuses.  No turning back.  It Is Happening Now, Folks!

So check out my website.  Flip me an email.  Let me send you a sample of Spark and make a believer out of you!

Pictures coming soon....  ;)

The Endless Yammering in My Head

"Uncle!!!"

I'm done.  Paleo was great, but I just. cannot. stand. the. endless. carb. cravings. anymore. 

period.

So I'm going for the modified version. 

Light on the carbs.  But there will indeed be carbs.  Whole-grain carbs.

(whew).  I feel better already.

Abject denial in your diet leads to obsession.

(ya think?)

So, there it is.  Call me a failure if you want.  I'm off to a small bowl of oatmeal for breakfast.

Is it weird that I'm excited about oatmeal???

(one of) My Biggest Pet Peeve(s)

I have a very hard time with overweight children.  There, I said it. 

Maybe because I was one.  Because I was enabled to become "pretty plus", probably stemming from my mom's guilt at having to work 2nd shift throughout my childhood.  My grandparents, God love them, took it upon themselves to turn a "too skinny" 4-year-old into a fat 7-year-old. 

It's all too easy to recall how miserable my childhood was, once I'd made that metamorphosis.  The only real friend I had was a same-sized girl down the street.  I craved male attention in some unhealthy ways.  And my relationship with food has been way out of whack since.

Maybe that's why I struggle with overweight kids.  Maybe it reminds me of how I felt, that my parents didn't care enough.  I wonder if those children feel that way.  What kinds of demons are they feeding with their chips-and-twinkies habits. 

The majority of my friends have kids that are dealing with this issue.  Some are more accepting of this situation, which really burns me up.  When a friend tells me her (obese) 9-year-old has high cholesterol in the same conversational tone that she'd use commenting on the weather, oh, it's so hard to bite my tongue.  Another friend who has two children dealing with weight issues is more concerned about their health and self esteem, but seems almost reluctant to lay down guidelines lest she "exclude" her kids from family activities.  I understand that's a fine line to walk.  The last thing you want to do is shame a child into an eating disorder.  I wouldn't even know where to begin with that, except to keep all the junk off the grocery list. 

I am so very, very blessed to have a "too skinny" child.  I guard that obsessively.  More than anything, he shouldn't repeat my life.  I fret over his penchant for anything with HFCS, and I rejoice over his love for fresh vegetables. 

I'd just posted a FB status about the 25 Worst Kids Meals and how one restaurant actually has a 1/3 lb burger on the kid's menu.  And a friend commented back about how we have to lead by example.

At 225 lbs, what kind of example am I?  My son has watched me struggle with my weight his whole life.  Even if I ever got down to a healthy weight, it will be a struggle until my last day.  Is it better for him to see me working towards good health?  Or would it be better for him to have an example of acceptance instead of obsession?  That I'm happy the way I am.

There's little that's been hidden from him growing up.  He's been free to talk about my weight problem.  But a few weeks ago, he found a chink in my thick skin.  He came up to me and said, "mom, I'm going to love you forever, no matter what you look like."  It was a sweet moment, but do you see them veiled message?  He called me fat, and it hurt.

I don;t know if there's really a point to this post - it feels a little scattered.  Just my thoughts on a bunch of things.  What do you think?

My Common Thread Bracelet, and some other shtuff...

I really, really wanted to be part of the Infertility's Common Thread campaign, but I couldn't just see myself putting a plain strand of embroidery thread around my wrist.  So here's what I made:

I used the DMC 814 that was part of the campaign, and also a variegated which was pretty close in color.  It's been many, many years since these bracelets were all the rage (waaaay back when I was in high school!), and I surprised myself that I still remembered how to make them!  If you would like one, please email me at celestialpetunia(at)gmail(dot)com.  Let's get this movement started! 

Sorry about the lack of pictures.  Weight-loss wise, I'm still pretty much the same.  My diet is still spot-on, I guess I could be exercising more, and my body's just comfortable around where it is right now.  That's not to say I've given up - on the contrary, I think I'll be sticking with this style of eating, at least for a little while.  Really the bad stuff doesn't tempt me very much anymore.  So we'll keep truckin' on, and I'll let you know if there's any change. 

Oh, Wednesday's ultrasound.  Went fine.  Dr. should have the results back today.  Which is good, because my u/s tech must have bumped something with her "magic wand" and started something going on.  Now it feels like very early labor down there, mild to moderate contractions.  I'll probably call the Dr. later and see what he wants to do.

Oh, and one more thing...DH and I agreed that, when all's been fixed, we're going to give Clomid one more shot.  So I've been looking for good deals at online pharmacies - you'd be amazed how cheap you can get it, even from here in the States!  What would cost me $100 at my local CVS is only $15 + shipping online! 

Anyway, you're all caught up. 

Bu-de, bu-de, bu-de, bu-de, bu, THAT'S ALLLLL, FOLKS!

Paleo - Week 2

Things, they are a cha-cha-changing.  I'm still weighing in around 230 lbs, however my husband says he sees changes in my body.

My goal is to be 220 lbs, but I'm by no means defining my success completely by a number on a scale.

This past weekend my son attended karate camp (he's 6...and now he's staying out overnight. sigh.) and Hubby and I had the day all to ourselves.  My plan was a "cheat" meal, and I guess I did have one, but it wasn't anywhere near as bad as it could have been.  We fired up the grill and rolled out some Flinstone-sized t-bone steaks, a few chicken breasts, and some salmon fillets.  As our side, we made tabbouleh, which is a parsley/tomato/onion salad with a handful of bulgar wheat thrown in.  I had a few spoonfuls of that, which was my only real no-no.  And if I ate a total of 1 tbsp wheat it would shock me.  Dessert was baby carrots.  Then we went to play some sweaty tennis, and after that it was unlimited watermelon and cherries.  There it is, my big cheat. 

On the health front, a visit to the GYN this week unveiled the uncontrolled mid-cycle bleeding.  I have a cervical polyp...or at least one.  And apparently a strange looking uterus.  So the good doctor is sending me in for a detailed ultrasound of all my female works, and, once all my oddities are firmly established, I'll be going in for surgery.  I remain prayerful that this may bring to light the reason for my fertility issues.  Please join me there.

Paleo - Week 1

Drum Roll Please.....

I weighed in this morning at 230lbs!  That's a loss of 7.4lbs in the first week, and it puts me well on my way to reaching my goal of 220lbs by the Family Reunion (8/7/10).  For the first time, I think this is possible.

Interesting thing happened this week.  My pants fell down!  Thank God it happened at home, so it wasn't a negative experience.  A good friend Robyn gave me some clothes she couldn't fit into anymore, and the shorts were admittedly a little big on me already, but that never happened before.  So yayyers!

And pictures.  This week:  (starting with my before picture)

I don't see much of a change...yet.  But it's coming.  Have no fear!

Some Concerns

First, I seem to have lost my muse. It's challenge enough to pull together my weekly blog over at Almost Frugal - I just don't seem to have much to say otherwise. At least, not anything new or exciting.

I miss her. A lot. As her birthday creeps closer, my emotions are closer to the surface. I'm dreading Mother's Day, which will also be a baby dedication at our church. Might just have to skip that one.

But, before M-Day, the GYN. (men, please feel free to scroll down.) Ever since about CD12ish, I've been spotting. The internet is a wonderful and scary thing, with its wealth of conflicting medical information. So I made an appointment with my GYN for Wednesday. Combine the spotting with the inability to lose weight, (extreme) irritability, infertility, and a few other symptoms that I'll spare you, and I'm wondering if there's a progesterone deficiency. When I was pregnant with Leila I was diagnosed with LP and put on suppositories until we got to 14 weeks. I'm not making excuses, and this isn't as much about getting pregnant as finding out what's going on (not that I'd sneeze at a BFP).

Until then, I'll keep up my organic, borderline-vegetarian diet and my daily 4-mile walks. And the head scratching as to why the scale refuses to budge. And hopefully Dr. C will be able to shine some light on my situation.

One funny thing that happened today. We didn't plan ahead and ended up starving and out of town. Stopped at a Chinese buffet. I had the HARDEST time eating there. Just looking at all the fat and cheese and fried stuff was nauseating. They had a Mongolian grill, I loaded up with veg and some noodles, got to the meats, and just could not put any of that protein on my plate. I watched a trailer for a movie called Earthlings, and that's all I had flashing through my head (if you like to eat meat or have an affinity for animals, don't Google this. It's like the Faces of Death of the industrial meat industry. You've been warned.) So there I sat, with my sad little bowl of wonton soup and my veggie noodle stirfry. Yasar and I looked at each other and it was clear: we'd completely lost whatever enjoyment we once had in regards to eating out.

That's all, Folks! Emily out...

Our Organic Revolution, and a New Diet Experiment

Yesterday's dessert was an organic grapefruit that came from Happy Box. Never before had I tasted such a delicious grapefruit - sweet, soft, so juicy it ran all over my clothes. "This is the way food used to be", I thought. "It's a tragedy everyone can't have one of these, they would fall in love with grapefruit all over again."

Personally, this organic journey started as a means of being socially and environmentally responsible. The chemicals that farmers are using in our soils are slowly killing us. The best and fastest way to stop this is to vote with your dollars. So that's what we did.

Now this journey is growing into more. The food really does taste better! It's more vibrant and full of nutrients. The eggs, those beautiful deep yellow yolks. The milk. Oh, the fruits and veggies. You eat them and you feel as if you're bursting with life.

To go back to pale, insipid grocery store findings would be an insult to our bodies. As long as we have the money to keep this up, that will never happen again.

So I'm trying something new, weight-loss wise. For the last week, the amount of processed foods this family has eaten has dropped waaay down. We have an "alternate" schedule, so we don't often get the chance to do family dinners. But we're almost always together for breakfast, so we have a cooked, sit-down meal together first thing in the morning. My typical breakfast is a 1/4 cup of Bob's Red Mill muesli mixed with 3/4 cups homemade, full-fat yogurt. Add a tsp of pure coconut oil and a tsp of ground flaxseed. Then I take some nibbles of what the boys are eating (oat flour pancakes, eggs, labne, zatar, olives) and round it out with a piece of fruit.
Lunch is usually salad from Happy Box with some homemade Asian dressing (made in my new Pampered Chef Measure, Mix, and Pour - oh how I love thee!) and some wild caught salmon or chicken breast of questionable origin (GFS) with half an avocado and a slice of bread with butter. Dinner? Homemade fried rice, or minestrone, or some other leftover. And then usually there's a snack at night, either popcorn with evoo or a slab of fresh coconut and half an ounce of dark chocolate.

Now here's the kicker. I've lost weight. About 6 lbs in the last 10 days. And I'm not hungry. And I have a boatload of energy. This confounds Yasar - he doesn't see how it's possible. But it's absolutely true. Despite the high fat diet, the pounds are coming off.

True story: at the store the other say, I had one very dry turkey burger to choke down. Thinking it could use a little help, I dunked it in some of the BBQ sauce on the cut table. After finishing the meat, it was like my appetite woke up and I was instantly ravenous, looking for things to shove in my mouth. I will tell you the list of ingredients on the sauce container is long, and has lots of -ose endings. Take from that what you will.

I haven't come to any raw conclusions about this except that our bodies weren't designed to eat all the processed foods on the market today. Going back to unprocessed foods is working for me. I don't feel deprived - quite the opposite. And last night I took a 4-mile walk with my kid.

I feel like I'm getting my life back.

Not Much to Say

Well, technically that's not true. There's lots to say, but I'm concentrating it down to one simple sentence:

I'm so grateful this week is almost over. It's a week I would never want to repeat.

It all started with this post over on Almost Frugal.

Then we had some very, very serious family problems. Also on Monday.

Tuesday saw us reeling in shock and heartache for my family, and so many prayers for healing here. With a healthy side of that horrible joy/self pity feeling that goes along with someone you know announcing a new pregnancy. Oh, and this post. (stay tuned on Monday at AF for my response)

Wednesday was a doctor's appointment. Since moving to this new house, I've been having breathing problems. Bad enough that I wasn't getting any sleep without Nyquil. And I bared my soul to my wonderful doctor about my weight problem. It's been impossible this last year to lose weight, something that's never been this hard before. I've been walking around in this cloak of failure and self-loathing for too long. So I asked him if it's the stress of all that's happened, or just me getting older, or maybe a medical issue?

Thursday - bloodwork to check my thyroid level, blood sugar, cholesterol, BUN, creatine, and pretty much anything else my doctor could check for. An afternoon with Yasar and Andrew in Dayton getting the car fixed and doing some grocery shopping at the Middle Eastern store.

Yesterday, Andrew and I went to Charleston Falls after work. We needed that time together to talk and just soak each other in. I am blessed to have a great kid.

Today? I pray for a quiet, uneventful day. At midnight I will celebrate the resurrection of my King as well as an end to this horrible week.

My Motivation

Today, this is my motivation. My little guy brought me this "food pack" - a banana, a yogurt, a prewashed whole carrot, and a paper towel. He said this would help me not be fat anymore.

How lucky am I?

Again

235.2 lbs.

When am I ever going to get serious about weight loss?

What kind of motivation do I need to get me through the long haul?

I'm praying for God to be with me today. To walk with me through today.

I really just need to take this one day at a time.

Tailspin

Emotional eating. My nemesis.

These last 10 days have been so hard! My motivation has disappeared. There's a hole in my heart that food isn't filling, even though I'm trying desperately to make it so.

In my head, I know it doesn't work. But I keep trying, like an idiot, to stop the emptiness.

macandcheeseanimalcrackersnutellagreenbeanspeanutbuttercheezits.......

It was just this endless parade of food last night. It would have been way worse had I not "phoned a friend" and spent two hours catching up with her.

I think so much of this stems from Christine's moving away. She filled a spot in my life so perfectly. It's doubtful that anyone could fill in that gap. Or that, if they could, I'd want them to. I just miss her. Andrew misses her kids and cries about them every day. This is an adjustment that's going to take some time.

So, looking forward, today I'm going to attempt a liquid-only diet (I'd say clear liquid but I must have my coffee and creamer) to hopefully clear some of the junk out of my body. I'm going to get on the Wii Fit and do some yoga. And I'm going to pray for God to fill that hole in my heart.

It's difficult to reverse a tailspin. But today I'm gonna try.

Week 5 - 1/30/10

(those are my cappuccino socks. Note to self - they don't photograph well...)

Yay or "Neigh"? Yay! That's another .6 lbs off my body, for a total loss of 7.4 lbs. I'm pretty happy with that, considering the way this week went. My average daily calorie intake was 1607, and my new BMI is 36.9 (woo-hoo!!!).

Lessons Learned? This was my hardest week yet. I always seem to hit that brick wall around the one month mark, where the motivation and interest just disappear. Or maybe it's more accurate to say that brick wall hit me this week, when I went on an all-out one-night-only sugar binge. In diets past, that probably would have been the end of my efforts, but I'm still here. Struggling, but persevering. Partly thanks to you guys out there who are keeping me honest.

Goals Achieved? I said it wouldn't happen, but guess what? I fit into a smaller pair of jeans this week! No, it wasn't pretty, those denim tubes sucked on to my cellulite-encrusted thighs like warm Saran wrap. But I didn't need to hold my breath to get them buttoned. :)

Goals Made? Ha! To make those above-mentioned jeans decent for wearing in public! (I kill me!) Seriously, this month is going to be about staying motivated. A friend emailed about joining SparkPeople. My goal for February is to sign in to SP every day of the month.

My best moment of the week: Probably putting on those pants. Or when Yasar tells me I look so different. I love that my weight loss is not limited to feedback from the scale!

Week 4 - 1/23/10

(drum roll please.....)

Yay or "Neigh"? Um, that's a YAY! From 230.6 last week, it's a weekly loss of 1.2, and a total loss of 6.8 lbs! My new BMI is a flat 37. Average calorie intake this week was 1524. Just the facts, ma'am (in my best Joe Friday voice). :)

Lessons Learned? You know, I love watching The Biggest Loser...but it's starting to get to me. 1.2 lb loss is a GREAT loss, however I feel like I'm running through knee-deep mud. And I think it's from watching all those contestants pull those huge numbers. It's hard to get out of my head, "if I could just have one week of Michael's weight loss, I'd hit goal". It's hard to look at that number on the scale and realize it's a significant loss when it's not double digits.

But it's not going to stop me from watching. :)

Goals Achieved: I didn't really hit any new goals this week. Still on the Wii Fit daily, mixing up my yoga/strength routine every few days (ever seen a fat girl hold a plank for 30 seconds? Awe-inspiring!). This week I had the pleasure of spending a day once-a-month-cooking with a good friend, and I did it in my jeans. Yeah, the so-constricting jeans that I couldn't even sit down in this time last month. The thighs didn't cut off circulation. I didn't have to hold my breath all day. One step closer to those smaller jeans size.

Goals Made: Ho, hum, same old goal. New pants size by 2/1 (though I'm starting to have my doubts I'll make that one). I need to start tightening up my eating, too. I'm getting a little loosy-goosey on the calorie front. So I'm going to aim for 1400 cal/day this week.

My best moment of the week: Sorta embarrassing, but I want to share. I was doing the Super Hula Hoop on my balance board, and my son was surreptitiously recording me on his dad's phone. When I found out, I made myself watch it - I was mesmerized. I expected to need eye-bleach after that, but it wasn't bad a-tall. Hmm, maybe some belly dancing lessons are in my (skinny) future?

Week 3 - 1/16/10

(I know you love my socks!)

Yay or "Neigh"? Meh. I'm not giving myself a yay OR a "neigh" because of basic female physiology, and how our bodies have a tendency to retain water just before "that time". And, combined with the cravings that also accompany "that time" (including my complete inability to stop inhaling my husband's creamy Cajun chicken pasta last night), I think a > 1 lb. gain is pretty okay. So my weight is down from 230.8, for a weekly loss of .2 lbs and a total loss of 5.6 lbs. IMHO, any loss on a week such as this is cause for celebration! And my BMI is still at 37.2.

Sorry about the blur - Andrew's photo chops are still developing. That's me holding a 5 lb bag of sugar, an 8 oz box of cream cheese (very plentiful in my fridge!) and 2 tbsp of butter.

Lessons Learned: Just that this is going to be a long, long road. Perseverance and commitment are the qualities that are going to get me through this. So my mentality is more tortoise than hare. Plod. Plod. Plod.

Goals Achieved? Remember back here when a I made a mini-goal of how long it would take Yasar to make a comment? Marked the date - 1/10/10, Yasar hugged me from the back and said I looked skinnier! Yay!

Goals Made? Still my same old goals - new pants size by Feb 1. To keep going on the Wii Fit Plus for 35+ minutes a day. Which has been an easy ongoing goal...I keep mixing up routines and doing a new game every few days just too keep myself interested. I'm stoked to announce that this was the week I completed the Island Cycling Expert level! W00t!

My best moment of the week: There were a few. First, that feeling of sinking into your bed, muscles tired from exercise, and sleeping the sleep of the just. And that uncoached compliment from Yasar. And completing the Island Cycling bit. And when Sakai chose to buy my cheesecakes. Heck, yeah, it's been a great week!

My worst moment of the week? When Andrew stood in the middle of Walmart and trumpeted "Mom! You need to get this Alli stuff to lose weight!" at TOP volume. I love my kid, but I never wished for a roll of duct tape so badly in my life!

Week 2 - 1/9/10

Yay or "Neigh"? Yay! And a whoop-whoop! My weight is down from 236, for a weekly loss of 5.2 lbs and a total loss of 5.4 lbs. My new BMI is 37.2. I can't wait for my BMI to drop enough that the Wii Fit Plus stops chastising me by weighing me and saying "That's Obese!" Yeah, yeah, I know. But Rome wasn"t built in a day...



This is me holding the food equivalent of my loss-to-date. And yeah, I'm wearing a "big D" uniform. Maybe now you'll appreciate how hard I have to struggle to lose weight, huh?

Lessons Learned: That water is very, very important to weight loss. Drinking lots of water can actually negate small dietary infractions. So if you slip up (which I haven't...yet), commit to drinking more water and flush your system. Also, sometimes being dehydrated can feel like being hungry to us, so drinking your water can actually help control hunger. And it's also critical to stay hydrated while exercising. Gatorade? Pshaw! Grab a big glass of water and let your body do what God designed it to do.

Goals achieved? I've consistently met or exceeded my goal of 35 minutes of daily exercise. And my daily caloric intake average for this week was 1452 - a little higher than I wanted, but that includes a celebratory chocolate fondue night with my boys. So I'm still giving myself a gold star. AND my sweatpants are starting to feel a little looser. w00t!

Goals made? To consistently drink my 64 oz water every day. To be in a smaller pair of pants by 2/1/10.

My best moment of the week: When Yasar first bought me the Wii Fit Plus, I ran the marathon. And almost died. Seriously! This week, I ran it twice, back-to-back. Yeah, I was out of breath, but far from reaching for my inhaler. I wonder if it'd be too much of a stretch to make a goal of running a real 5k or something this summer. Shari? What say you?

Oh, and turning 35 is was pretty cool, too. :)

Phillippians 4:13 says "I can do ALL things through Christ Who strengthens me."

So take that, fat! You're no match for me, because my God's got my back! :P

Week 1 - 1/2/10

Yay or "Neigh"? Yay <~mini Yay (Ha! I crack myself up!!). My weight went from 236.2 to 236.0, so a loss of .2lbs. And my BMI stayed at 38.1. My number was better first thing this morning, but I thought I'd wait for my coffee to induce my (ahem) morning ritual. Guess that backfired a little, huh?

Lessons Learned: Okay, I think I've been eating too many daily calories. My average intake for this week was 1674. I started off good, watching the scale going down. Then, about Thursday, the scale started going the wrong way. So I'm backing down to 1300-1400 daily calories. We'll see what happens from there. And I'm not discouraged - I didn't pack on these 80 lbs in a week, so it stands to reason that they won't peel themselves off that quickly, either.
BTW, I use FitDay* software to keep track of my calories and nutrition. I bought the software many, many years ago, but I think they have a free version online.

Goals achieved? Well, I've scrapped my goal of 35x up the stairs by the time I'm 35. My goal is 35 minutes minimum on my Wii Fit Plus* (an early b-day present from my amazing hubby ~ love you habibi!), and I have met it daily since he bought it for me on Sunday. I never expected indoor-type exercise to be anything but tedious, but the Fit Plus IS! Easily the best $100 we've spent in a looong time.

Goals made? Just to continue my 35 minutes a day, and to make it down at least one pants size by February 1st. I measured my waist at 47 inches the other day, so TBC.

My best moment this week: Looking in the mirror and seeing changes in my body. It's a long road ahead, so getting that early confidence boost felt so great!

*And no, I have not been compensated to endorse any products. Can you believe we have to add a disclaimer to our blogs now? Sheesh!

Lines in the Sand

I've had so much positive feedback on my picture of the scale - people have repeatedly called me "brave". I wish I were full of courage.

My picture on the blog is a nod towards my "bravado". And my inability to complete things.

Instead of drawing a line in the sand, I've carved a line in bedrock.

By involving my friends, people I know will hold me accountable, coach me on when I get discouraged, I've added an insurance policy to weight loss. It's not like going to the Weight Watchers meetings, where I can simply stop going. I have people who know my real struggles, and will no doubt call me on it if I don't continue this journey towards optimum health. I certainly hope you won't be afraid to reach out and pat me on the back or slap me upside the head, depending on the situation.

So I just wanted to say that YOU make me brave. That I can't do this without YOU. God has provided YOU to push me to success. YOU deserve the credit here.