...when you're fast asleep.
Last night my pregnancy test came back positive. In my sleep. When I woke from that dream, I prayed so hard. I want this so badly. A healthy pregnancy, an addition to our family.
My friend Christine new baby is almost 3 months old. I hear her talk about the trials of having a newborn - lack of sleep and colic being her primary issues - and I feel completely undeterred. I want that, warts and all.
There are other DBM bloggers out there who are struggling through a pregnancy on top of a loss. I'm not blind, I know it'd be so hard. The second that test came back positive, I'd march into my OB's office and have her call me in a prescription for progesterone suppositories. Reaching 20 weeks, I'd be on high alert all the time. Freaking out with any sign of bleeding. Or conracting. Reaching that magical 24-week viability date and not feeling any comfort because nothing's guaranteed.
And I question why I want it. Before we got pregnant with Leila, I was perfectly happy (read "resigned") to being a one-child household. I looked at newly-pregnant Christine and thought her a fool - I LIKE my sleep right where it is, thank you. And I was convinced that Andrew's too old to be able to adapt to a sibling now.
Why did all that change? Why can't I recall those feelings and put them back into place? Leila's 5 months on this earth has shaken everything I've held true.
It seems I'm not the only one dreaming of positive pregnancy tests, either. Christine had that same dream for me a few weeks ago.
God, hear my prayer.....