Why did You do this to me?
What did I do to You to deserve this all-consuming pain?
Why would You dangle THE ONE THING You knew I truly wanted in front of me, teasing me with it, only to yank it away?
Why will You offer me no escape now?
You know I have too many reasons to stay here on this earth. No matter how badly I want to leave.
You know I've never entertained thoughts of taking my own life before.
Why won't You come and take this cup from my lips? Why do you give me this reason to suffer, and then give me no consolation?
You've chosen to leave me hollow again this month. Take that little bit of hope I had and crush it under Your heel. Thanks for that, I really needed it.
You saw fit to bring Lazarus back from the dead. Was he more important than my baby? Why can't I sign up for that?
Bring her back, or take me. Please. I just can't do this anymore.
Sometimes the answers we seek are answers we won't get until we meet our Savior and can ask Him why.
ReplyDeleteI know this hurt. I've felt exactly like this and written very similar entries as well. Another normal part of grief. But please don't turn away from Him. He's trying to comfort you...LET HIM.
I know it's difficult to do. Right now you feel intense anger and hatred towards Him. He understands, I know He does. He cries with you, for you. Let Him comfort you.
Hold on to His hands. Wrap yourself in His arms. Cry, scream, pound on His chest. He'll hold you. All you have to do is let Him. As hard as it is. Let Him.
(((((hugs)))))
Oh sweetie-
ReplyDeleteI completely know where you are at tonight. I have been there. I have felt every single word that you uttered. You are not alone.
Our world is not God's. God's world is Heaven where your precious Leila is. This world is filled with spiritual warfare. God does not want you to be in this pain. He is not trying to hurt you. This world does not belong solely to him. He does not cause the bad things to happen. He HATES death and disease. The only thing that He can do is make something good out of it. He can turn the wrongs to right. You have to trust Him. He will bring you out of this. It just takes time. I know how time is passing so slowly right now. It seems like the pain will never, ever lessen. I promise you it will. I promise you that you can have a good life.
Trust God. Rejoice in the blessings that He HAS given you. Don't focus on what evil has taken away. Of course you need to mourn and grieve...that is healthy. You deserve that. But you must know that the grieving won't last forever. God will change your pain to joy. I promise you that He will.
If you haven't already. Please check out my blog. I have been where you are. I have prayed that God would just take me away so that i didn't have to live in this pain for one more moment. I don't feel that way anymore. God made good on His promise.
Love,
Trisha
(((hugs))) It's so hard being away from them.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry, sweet friend. I cry with you.
ReplyDeleteYour words are so familiar to me, Emily. I have begged God to take me away from this pain, to reunite me with my little girl. I've prayed that he would restore her in my womb and give her another chance to live life on Earth. I begged and pleaded for her life, but He didn't answer my prayers. In the last 5 months, I have questioned every belief I ever held. I believe that He is real and that Sydney is in Heaven. But I really struggle with trusting His plan and turning myself over to Him.
ReplyDelete