Platitude: You're young, you can have more children.
Reply: Seriously? Did you know we tried for years to get pregnant before giving up? Do you think having another child would erase the pain we're feeling now? Do you think we can have a replacement child?
Question: Did she have a soul?
Reply: Uhhh....did you just ask a grieving mother if her baby's going to be in heaven? Wow, that wasn't thoughtless.
Statement: Oh, I had 3 miscarriages. You'll be okay.
Reply: Oh, I've had a miscarriage before, too. Let me say that the two experiences are apples and oranges.
Statement: I hate to sound like a jerk, but you need to move on or you life will be one tear after another and never happy.
Reply: I'm unfriending you on Facebook. See ya...
Platitude: There's a reason for this. Someday we'll understand.
Reply: No sh*t. She wouldn't be dead for NO reason, would she?
Statement: Well, if you're not going to be buried, you can bury her ashes with me. (from a very close family member).
Reply: Don't you think I want my daughter's ashes with ME? If I wanted her buried, I would have done that instead of having her cremated!
Platitude: She's with the angels now.
Reply: none. At least someone's trying to comfort, and this is something I know to be true. I appreciate their effort.
Here's the lesson in this post, folks. If you want to help someone who is going through this, the best thing you can do is close your mouth and open your arms. Let the grief do the talking, and be sensitive. After hearing when the DBM/DBD says, you'll kind of know what kind of help to offer them. ***Platitudes and thoughtless statements do more harm than good***
Also, don't forget about us as time passes. It's been 2 months today since Leila went home to Jesus, and I can say for certain I need more help and support now than I did right after we came home without her. The unfortunate circumstance is that people expect me to be further along in the grief process than I actually am or should be, and the offers have completely dried up - except by my closest friends and those compassionate souls who are familiar with this process. What I would give to have a trusted friend come and take Andrew away for an afternoon so I could sit in the house, alone, and face my grief head-on. Pour over Leila's pictures. Cuddle with the lamb. Cry. Pray. Heal.
I guess I don't have ten examples of thoughtless things people say. God has been good to me, He hasn't let many people say what's really on their minds. Unfortuately, by the time this process is through, I'll likely have a list of the top 25.