I'm really looking forward to this weekend. My oldest friend Joy is getting married Sunday to her soulmate Anthony, and then we're all going to a picnic (read: potluck) reception! Awesome!
So I've been cooking up a storm. I've got caramel cashew blondies in the oven right now, and little brownie cups in the freezer, ready to be iced and decorated at my mom's house. I'll also be working my pepperbeef sandwiches in the crockpot. Honestly, it feels so good to be cooking and looking forward to a nice, enjoyable, relaxing weekend in old Reading, PA.
My only question, as I'm making the list of things to pack, is what about Leila? Is it normal to feel this drive to bring your daughter's ashes with you wherever you go? I feel like, if I don't, I'm leaving her behind. I guess I should be grateful for those feelings, to me it means that I've at least touched on the acceptance step of grief, that I know that my daughter is gone, and those ashes are all I have left.
I don't want to be that weird lady who can't let go. But right now I can't let go. I'm going to sneak her memory box into my suitcase. Even if I never get it out and give my girl a kiss, at least I can know she's with me.