I got in the car this morning, heading out to pick up the morning paper (no, not church. The last thing I want to do is cry my way through the service). And I prayed for an answer, for God to speak. Turned on K-Love, and this is what I got...
...and I've questioned everything that I believe.
Still even here, in this gray darkness
Comfort and hope come breaking through,
As I can say, in life or death, God, we belong to you!
We are Yours, God
Yours, God
Everything is Yours
From the stars in the sky, to the depths of the ocean floor.
It's all Yours, God
Yours, God
Everything is Yours
All the greatness and power, glory and splendor and majesty
Everything is Yours
It's all Yours!
My pain, my immense grief. Every tear. Leila's life, her memories.
The victory we will someday celebrate over this evil.
It's all Yours. I guess I really needded to be reminded of that. Thank you, God.
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And, as a side note, Yasar was just asking me about my God-Bomb before I got in the car. I don't think I've written about this, but God spoke to me about a month ago. While I was absorbed in painful thoughts, watching other children play at the Cincy Childrens Museum and grieving that our chance at having another child was gone, He told me we were not done. Yasar was asking me if I was sure it was God, and not Satan playing on our emotions. Which makes joining that song at that particular moment even more meaningful to me. I believe He will give us another healthy child. I won't waiver, I won't question it.
I was just about to respond to your post from yesterday but will instead respond here...
ReplyDeleteMy heart and spirit have asked God so many times about why He chose me to suffer this pain. I've spoken in anger and I've spoken in desperation. I still feel like my questions are unanswered. Lily was my firstborn, and it took us 2 years to get pregnant with her...I still can't understand, but I know He will answer me when I'm reunited with Him in glory...and, tears spring to my eyes when I think of hugging and kissing my Lily.
I bought the new Natalie Grant cd (LOVE HER) and number 11 "A way" I think is the title...but, the chorus is what gets to me. Basically, it says that all though His plan may cause us pain and we do not understand, He will make a way. Satan will grab at our hearts when he knows we are at our lowest, but we have to fight the temptation to live in the darkness.
I will pray for your strength as Satan tries your faith. Much love and prayers are headed your way.
I am so relieved to read this. I have been so worried about you through the night. I just kept praying that you would find comfort.
ReplyDeleteThis will not be the last time your faith is attacked. Just remember who it is attacking you and run back to God!!!!!
Love,
Trisha
Our God is an awesome God! I believe if He spoke to you it was really Him and I would hold onto His words.
ReplyDeleteI agree w/ JenJen. Satan knows when we are hurting and he will try to make us hurt even more to turn us away from God. I am glad that song spoke to your heart. KLOVE does that to me too!
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