Not every day is sad.
Today's been a good day. I've gone through the motions - showered, made some pizzas, chatted with Yasar. Finished a book. Had a water fight with Andrew and watched a few episodes of Popular Mechanics for Kids with him (which, BTW, is one of the coolest kid's shows out there!). I've listened to some Casting Crowns and Natalie Grant, and even sang along.
Not every day feels like emotional hell. But when those days come, it's never with warning. And they don't pussyfoot around. There's no easing into it. A bad day starts early and lasts until bedtime. A whole day shot.
So far the bad days outnumber the good. It's easier to keep track of the days I haven't cried then the days I have. But that's starting to change. Lately, it's been more "partly cloudy" then "thunderstorms". That isn't to say that I'm even close to being normal. I'm still all mopey and eeyore-like. But a day without tears is a step in the right direction.
They say getting through something like this is literally "one day at a time". One good day, one exceedingly rotten day, it's still a day further than you were yesterday.
Here's to a good day and MANY more to come!
ReplyDeleteYou're right, there never is a warning...even now. But you'll get here. You'll get to the point where you wake up one morning and it dawns on you that you didn't cry yourself to sleep lastnight...or that you haven't cried in a few days, weeks...and maybe (I haven't gotten there yet) a few months. It comes, even if you don't want it to. There were days when I didn't want the grief to go away. I wanted to steep in it. But now, almost 5 months later, I find that most of the time I don't cry. But he's still on my mind all day long. Probably will be forever. The good days will be more frequent, soon enough.
ReplyDeleteOh cheese curds, I think I actually licked the computer screen. Thank you! I hope you are doing ok, I think of you all the time.
ReplyDeleteHi Emily, I came over from Tammy's blog. I just read about your sweet little daughter and what you are going through. I'm so sorry for your pain. I have prayed that God would bring comfort and healing to your heart.
ReplyDeleteRich blessings to you my sister.
Isaiah 41:10