It's funny how losing a child brings people together. Maybe it's the alienation we feel from the rest of the world that causes us to seek each other out. A desperate attempt at finding someone who understands us, can validate our feelings, or at least tell us what we're going through is normal.
I've made three special friends through this journey. Three women who have made me cry, think "I've been there" or "that's what I'm going through right now", shown me that life goes on when your baby's life doesn't. And for that, I owe them a debt of gratitude.
Heather was the first person I sought out after Leila's death - and as it happens, the last person. The pain over the loss of her son Logan is so transparent on her blog. Her situation is like ours, in that she already has a healthy child (something that I fear people use to minimize my pain - it's not like I don't already have a child to love, right?). She's almost 5 months out from the stillbirth of her precious son, and still she struggles with the pain of not having him in her arms. Her lesson to me is that it's okay to cry over your baby, and there's no time limit on getting through your grief. It's such a blessing when I'm struggling to keep it together, and at the same time thinking "why is this taking such a toll? It's been a month already!" And I really appreciate that she takes time out of her own grief to coach me through mine. It's something I really hope to pay forward as soon as I can.
Kelly is a new friend who found me through a comment on Stuff Christians Like. She lost her little Leah three months ago, and is valiantly trying to get pregnant again. I hurt so bad for her, Leah would have been her first child. But she deals with her pain with humor, and she has been so gracious in opening herself up to me. I spend a lot of time asking God for peace and pregnancy for her and her husband. And I can't wait to get that news from her....
Last but not least is Sam. Long, long ago, I used to work with her at Pacer. When I'd left, Andrew was a few months old, and Sam had just had her son, Gabriel. She'd since reconnected with me on Facebook, and we spent a few hours on the phone last night talking about Gabriel's health problems and the circumstances surrounding his death 4 years ago. And listening to her breaks my heart. How do you lose a 17-month-old? How do you survive that? And she's so angry, and has turned away from God. How do you survive that without Him? I'm praying so hard for her right now. She needs to feel the peace that God provides, and she needs healing. Both her and her husband.
God has provided me with some amazing support here in Troy, people I can reach out to anytime, some who even understand what this journey is like. And I just love how He's provided more support, via the internet.
I feel so cared for.