When I can breathe, that is.
When it doesn't feel as if the oxygen has been sucked out of the room.
I can tuck away the thoughts of Leila, but I still can't shake that empty, knot-in-my-throat feeling.
Is that how loss feels? Like you're slowly strangling on a frozen lump of tears?
And you just want to climb under the covers and go to sleep forever? Is that depression?
I wish I could go back to two weeks ago, and paid attention to my changing symptoms.
That I called the doctor when my spotting changed.
Or that I held my daughter until she went to Jesus' arms. Is that regret?
Is this ever going to end? Am I going to survive? Will I ever be happy again? Will I ever stop crying over that precious little girl? Will I ever go back to "normal"? Will I ever want to?