I believe God has used the trials this last month to teach me a lesson that I didn't know was necessary. It's about being thankful for what He's given me. I never really considered myself selfish, but I've definitely been pushed to the next level.
First and foremost, I have a Savior who loves me. Who grieves when I grieve, and rejoices when I rejoice. Who has given me something so precious, that I've spent the last 30ish years taking for granted. Being saved and looking forward to heaven has a whole new meaning to me now. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you so much.
My husband is such an incredible gift to me. I always marvel that God chose a man for me from the other side of the world (a sentiment I had the pleasure of sharing with his cousin and her American husband this past weekend). The years it took for Yasar and I to grow into each other, while I didn't understand it at the time, were another form of blessing. Yasar has been pivotal in teaching me how to be a Proverbs 31 woman, and how following God's Word for your life is, in itself, an amazing blessing.
Andrew, you are the light in my eyes. For years, I never thought I'd have children. I was too worried about my genetic makeup, and how it would be better to not propagate that DNA. But you, you are amazing. Bright, inquisitive, energetic, sweet and loving, not to mention devastatingly handsome, just looking at you makes me want to bust at the seams with pride. I am so fortunate to have you.
My last pregnancy and my daughter Leila has been a lesson of hope. For years Yasar and I had hoped for two lines on the pregnancy test, only to be disappointed month after month. God's timing is not our timing, you know? But, way back in February, when that miracle news happened, totally unexpected, God showed me that He's solidly in control. And, on May 21st, when Leila went home to be with Him, God taught me a whole new way to lean on Him.
My family has taught me some valuable lessons in support. From getting the 5am "I'm thinking of you" emails from Chris to having a new connection to my husband's family, our trials have made some new bridges, and some not-so-new bridges stronger. My parents, who offer strength. My sister, who does sympathy so well. All my bases are covered with them, and I consider myself so fortunate.
My friends are truly a gift from God. It's like He knew exactly what I'd need in my time here, and He had a different friend fill in every gap. Brenda is good at taking my mind off my problems, and keeping my kid busy for cheap. Christine is helping me get over my reluctance to be around babies, but in the most sensitive way. Shari brings the food - her role is pretty hazy now, I thing she's really uncomfortable with the whole pregnancy loss thing, but I have no doubt that God has plans for her. Jeanne loves to send me e-cards along with her support. Lisa is my rock. Having gone through something similar, she's almost like a guide, but also a soft shoulder. Joy just keeps me distracted and laughing. Melissa and Amy both push me into reality, that friends are going to keep having babies, and it's going to be okay - I'm not going to break by rejoicing with them. I also need to mention my cyber-friends, Tricia, Sheryl, Julie, Heather, Retriever, you guys and your comments get me through a lot of hard times, too. Thank you. :)
My support system has really gotten us to understand why God chose Troy for us. The people in our church are so incredible, their love and support seem to know no bounds. We've gotten so many cards, and offers of help, and baskets of cookies, and emails. And the OB and nurses who bore witness to Leila have been an incredible gift from God. Amazing that these people stay in touch, and continue to lift us up in prayer. We don't feel alone, even being so far from our families. That was God's plan, I guess.
So, thank you, God, for this ongoing lesson in thankfulness. I'm going to concentrate on seeking the silver linings in situations that would usually leave me in a negative place. If nothing else, I know that You're in control, and all things work together for good for those that love God (Rom 8:28).