Quiet

There's so much going on around me:

Baby showers, work, the cat's at the vet,

my mind's whirling around the hospital room back on May 21st.

I still have questions.

What type of infection did they find?

Was Leila alive when she was born? Or was she a stillbirth?

Because I can't refer to her as a miscarriage.

She was 2 days from that line between the two.

Was there something wrong with her?

Is there something wrong with me?

Too many images, too many questions.

I prefer the quiet.

Where I lay in bed, curled up on my side, with a teddy bear held tight over my tummy.

Pretending May 21st never happened.

Waiting for those little flutters.

Loving my little girl.

And wishing things had been different.


Dance in the sunshine, little girl. Bounce on a cloud. Ride on a raindrop. Go get a hug from Gremom. Know that your mommy thinks of you all the time, and misses you fiercely.